I am having a hard time with things. If I simply focus on my little everyday tasks on my to do list (i.e. bake muffins, go to work, make dinner, hang pictures, paint new furniture, tidy up) plus take care of Regina (i.e. nurse, feed solids, clean face, change diaper, dress, keep happy for two hours, put down for nap, nurse, feed solids, give bath, change diaper, dress, keep happy, etc.) I get through the day. If Reggie cries, or if I don't get to much of my list, because of how long it takes to feed, or clothe, or occupy her, then I feel frustrated with how little I was able to get done.
I sometimes remember that she is my number one priority and that her happiness is everything to me. I sometimes feel that she is my purpose right now and that that is enough.
I sometimes am able to let everything else go and cherish those moments (that every single person/stranger you see tells you to cherish because of how quickly they grow up).
I sometimes remember that this living/working/schooling situation is only temporary.
I sometimes remember that my needy, tiny, beautiful baby is only temporary.
I sometimes want a quiet day to myself.
I sometimes want to give Regina to Todd and just go somewhere alone.
Why is it that when I snap she tends to giggle, or smile, or sleep for an hour and a half giving me some peace, but then simultaneously making me feel so deeply guilty?
Also, how does one make friends without a job with adults, or school?
4 comments:
You can always give me a call. Love you dear.
My dear sweet HIllary. I miss you so very much. I love your writing so much. I hope you know that because you can express yourself so honestly, sincerely and lovingly all the same time you are and will be the best momma ever.
Hillary you are the best! You totally got this! We love you so much!
I feel ya. Church is where i've found most my friends but even that can be hard. I feel myself not caring as much about being outgoing as i've gotten older which doesn't help(:
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