too many caramels

i love our little home. i like being here. i'm proud of myself for getting into grad school and maybe even more proud of me for planning on actually doing it.
i went to my parents' for the weekend and held a baby for a couple hours. as every single talk was about mothers i thought about how amazing motherhood is. how everything my mom did and didn't do was and is so important to me. i know that she would rather spend time with me than do anything else. i know that she lives to make me happy. i know that she would do absolutely anything i asked her to do.
i watched old home videos of me and my brothers. my brother spilled an entire box of croutons on the floor and instead of yelling at him or being exasperated she just sat on the floor and ate them with him. there is a part where i am 4 or so and i will not stop singing and making up crazy annoying songs and my mom laughs hysterically at me. she is seriously one of the most patient and loving people i know and she is so important to me. i can't imagine being that for anyone else, but that must be how other people feel about their mothers. i could be that person for someone. that fact (along with wanting my dad to still be alive) makes me want to be a mom.
being able to create life and have life grow inside of you has to be one of the most sacred and incredible experiences. i saw part of 16 and Pregnant. kids are so silly. especially the 16 year old kind where they think they understand fully the responsibilities that go along with sex.
anyway, i have stopped hating on pregnant/young mormon moms. i've stopped crying/freaking out at the thought of having a baby. having todd's baby. i've stopped getting annoyed and/or disgusted by girls who love being pregnant and who love/only talk about their kids.
i'm warming to the idea of dressing a tiny little toddhillary and having a constant companion to be my friend. to teach and to love.
i must be on my period. i am getting too sentimental. and eating too many chocolate caramels.