Step Into Christmas

yeeeeeaaaaauuuuhhhh.

things that are now

i watched how to steal a million last night. i would do anything for audrey hepburn. the way she talks, her perfect face, and her marvelous clothes make me fall in love with her in every movie. it's getting ridiculous. todd told me that the movie was boring, but when he had to go to the b room he made me pause it...sooo...he liked it. just like when he makes fun of me for watching antm, but when he comes home and i'm watching it i can get him to finish the season with me, care about the girls, and get mad at me if i watch it without him. he's my best.



this is lovely and she is lovely.


this is crazy. and she looks so good.






best for last. she's so fine.


aaanyyways, it's nice to lay in bed and have movie dates with my bf FINALLY. this semester has been the busiest of my entire life. i have never taken more than 3 art history classes at once because 4 is just too difficult...but this semester it's working out. and thanksgiving break is a time for movie dates, a research paper, and family. stupid Early Christian/Byzantine Art is my least favorite class/subject/crap to research. i DON'T CARE about any of it. the only thing i've ever like in byzantine is Hagia Sophia and it's because of the Turks who turned it into a Mosque and the letters (arabic? don't make fun of me because i don't know) just add something for me. i wanted to take Islamic art...but no one teaches it...neat. it's the prettiest architecture. i'm boring you.

what i wanted to say was that i asked jlf if we could be friends again since he is happy and in love. he said, "i am glad to see you reach out first. i probably said something foolish like 'maybe when i get back from japan' didn't i? i do apologize. i was certainly not the person you once knew the last time we were in contact.
i have felt that it would be reasonable since j&m's wedding reception. however, i am moving to south korea in 3 weeks. i will be gone for one year. even at our closest we were often no more than pen pals, and i would be amenable to being such anon."

so i interpret this to mean: you're nice, i'm sorry for saying this one thing, i'm not the person you knew and i'm leaving so there's no point in trying.

i thought that we were really good friends for 4 years before we started dating for 1.5, you're best friends with my best friends, and were are huge part of my life. being friends doesn't seem to mean the same thing to you as it does to me.
i guess hanging on is just silly. whatever. i wish i would STOP dreaming about him.

unreasonable

you know those times when you feel like a total hypocrite. like you tell people they should/shouldn't feel some way...but then you can't help it...when your turn comes.

i have no right to feel weird.

i told him that he had no right. so...what's my problem?

blech. i hate myself.